To All The ‘Andrew Tates’ Of The World, On Behalf Of Anyone Kickboxing Depression

“When ignorance is given a voice, ours must be louder.” – Nicole Lyons

article was originally published for The Odyssey on September 25, 2017.

Three weeks ago, The Mighty, a website that only publishes articles having to do with illnesses and chronic conditions, broke a story about kick boxer Andrew Tate who tweeted some seriously ignorant thoughts recently. He began a twitter thread where he began to describe how ‘depression isn’t real.’

The thread, which is more than a hundred tweets long, is extremely offensive and anxiety-inducing, to say the least. I’m here to summarize it, tell you why it matters and speak not only to Andrew Tate, but all the people agreeing with him.

When you’re a celebrity, you have a platform. You also know that whatever you say on your platform will be scrutinized whether it is the popular opinion or not.

Andrew Tate has not rescinded any of his tweets. This means people can still read them, and that’s dangerous.

Before I delve deeper, I want to make one thing clear: whether or not Tate is trolling, he is still causing a problem. By trolling, he’s welcoming those who agree to bully and shame those who are mentally ill, thus causing more issues.

On September 7, 2017, Andrew Tate tweeted out the following, “Depression isn’t real. You feel sad, you move on. You will always be depressed if your life is depressing. Change it.” He mostly draws attention to people he believes aren’t making the most of their situations. He tweets, “Sure. Natural to sometimes FEEL depressed. It doesn’t make it a DISEASE. I feel hungry sometimes, then I change it.”

As if these thoughts weren’t dangerous enough, he even begins to call out people specifically for their appearances as they reply to him. He cites others’ photos, picks on them for their physical attributes and then makes comments about other irrelevant things.

Also:

Like I said before, one of the biggest issues is that when you utilize a platform, you’re going to be scrutinized, no matter what you say. In tweeting these things, Tate also sparked other debates about feminism, masculinity and gender bias.

And:

Speaking this way to a vulnerable audience is dangerous. While Tate may believe that it will ‘help’ these people, he has accomplished the opposite; making people upset, anxious and depressed.

Why is this a problem, you ask? Not only is this man going out of his way to try and ‘prove’ that depression isn’t real; he’s gathering a group of people with a toxic way of thinking together to encourage the bullying of people who struggle with mental illness.

These people direct messaging Tate to agree are fueling the fire of those who think it’s acceptable to speak this way to anyone struggling.

September is Suicide Prevention and Awareness Month, which means we dedicate this time to prevent and spread awareness of suicide and the effects it can have. Andrew Tate not only encourages the mindset of those who think suicide is cowardly but also encourages those who are suicidal because he’s invalidating them.

Let us not forget that in announcing that depression isn’t real, Tate and his followers are also invalidating every single public figure who has fallen victim to suicide.

What’s that Robin Williams? What did you say, Alexander McQueen? Sorry Chris Cornell and more recently, Chester Bennington. You guys just wallowed in pain and didn’t make the most of your situations! Sorry! If only you could be like Andrew Tate!

Andrew Tate believes he’s a winner because he won’t ‘let’ himself be depressed. It appears Andrew Tate wouldn’t know depression if it knocked him on his ass, and let’s hope for his sake, that it never does.

Nicole Lyons, of The Mighty, first brought my attention to the issue at hand. She says it best when she writes, “Unkind people are usually that way because others have been unkind to them, but there is no excuse for ignorance or complete denial of mental health issues. That is a dangerous thing. When ignorance is given a voice, ours must be louder.”

According to Andrew Tate, I’m depressed because I’m not changing anything for the better in my life. It’s because I’m being a ‘little bitch’ and believing in the ‘hoax’ of depression, right?

I am someone who fights every single day to get out of bed and get shit done. I refuse to wallow, and yet still, for some silly reason, I’m still depressed.

Explain that, Andrew Tate. Explain to me why, that despite my ever-growing efforts to be a successful woman, get a degree, a job, activities and work out among other things, why am I still depressed?

It’s because I have a chemical imbalance in my brain and depression is fucking real. That’s right.

Here’s my open letter. Don’t worry, if you’re still reading, this will be short.

To all the Andrew Tates of the world: Fuck off. Everyone in the mentally ill community already deals with enough bullshit without having to deal with the likes of you. Are you allowed to have an opinion? Sure. Are you allowed to post that opinion? Sure.

But if you ever come face to face with mental illness or depression, I hope you have access to help. Because we’ve all been somewhere where that isn’t the case, and we were left to flounder until we grew stronger.

Cancer is just as real as depression; when you have cancer, you can’t cure it by saying, “Cancer isn’t real, I can still kick ass!” Stop treating mental illness like it isn’t illness. Both are debilitating and valid illnesses.

If you are someone who lives with mental illness or depression, you keep doing you. You’re out here killing the game, getting up every day and moving forward, even when it feels like all the forces in the world are moving against you. Even on the days when you’re not getting up or moving forward, you’re still fighting the good fight. Keep your head up and your eyes ahead – the future is coming and you’ll want to stick around for it.

I’m sorry that the Andrew Tates of the world are trying to discredit you and hold you back. Know that you are stronger than them and you can do this. Reach out and take a hand; we will work together to push forward. That’s all we can do – keep going. We’ll keep going together.

If you struggle with any of these issues and you need help, you can call the hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741. You can also utilize the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline online chat.

To Those Struggling To Get Back On Their Feet

“I’m just a little bit caught in the middle. I try to keep going but it’s not that simple.”

This article was originally published for The Odyssey on August 21, 2017.

Hi there,

I know you’re struggling. I know you’ve been struggling for a long time. It’s getting bad, isn’t it? It feels like you’re drowning all the time, like your feet are trying desperately to reach the bottom, but it’s like someone moved it lower, right? Your legs and arms are tired from not only holding yourself up but other people, too. You’re fading, your breath is running out, and you feel as if this is it.

Every time you feel your head bob under the wave, under the tide or under the current, you always find some way to make it back to the top. Whether it be a helping hand or some strength you never knew you had, there is hope.

I know you don’t want to hear this, but it has to be said. You need to keep going. You need to keep fighting. You need to keep your head up. You cannot give up; there is no giving up. Don’t let yourself drown. Don’t let yourself down.

I know it’s tiring. I know you’re done with the world. I know you’re done with the people around you, even the ones who are helping, even the ones who you’re helping. I know you don’t want to get out of bed. I know you have little interest in doing the things that once made you happy. I know this and so much more. Trust me, I’ve been there.

I, too, feel as if there is nothing to hope for tomorrow. Hell, I lost my faith at the beginning of the summer and it’s only just starting to make a cameo back into my life. It’s going to take a while to re-teach myself to keep faith in things that you can’t see or hear. It’s going to take a while for me to heal. It’s going to take a while for me to feel comfortable again.

When life stops throwing you curve balls and starts throwing you things much worse than baseball analogies, you need to keep your head up. When the raining and pouring stops and you’re faced with a full-blown shit-storm, keep your eyes on the horizon. When your heart is so broken you can’t process anything short of positivity, force yourself to move forward.

You can’t do this alone, but you can do it. You’re not alone. I’ve been in dark, shaky places. Most of the time, I feel like I’m wearing shoes on the sandy beach, with my ankles sinking and my feet feeling wobbly; unable to grasp any solid ground. My hands are always out in front of me ready to feel the ground if I fall down on the way to wherever I’m going. I try to prepare myself for the absolute worst. It’s okay to brace yourself for the worst, even if the worst isn’t coming.

This is a rough period in your life. Whatever you’re going through has your on your tippy-toes all day every day just to ensure that you won’t be caught off guard by anything worse. It has you on your knees, looking up at the sky wondering if anyone is watching you. If so, why would they let all of this bad stuff happen to you? Why aren’t they helping you navigate it? Why aren’t they helping to fix it? Why do things keep getting worse?

I don’t have any answers for you. I don’t know if anyone is in the sky, or Heaven or the afterlife. I don’t know if we have guardian angels or gods. I don’t know if the universe is a being who watches out for you. In this dark time, I’m not sure of anything anymore.

The only thing I know is that we have no choice but to go on. We have made it this far, and even thoughts of giving up scare us. It would be too easy, you know? It would be entirely too easy to give up, to start over, to start new. It would be impossible. There’s always a catch; nothing worth having ever comes easy.

We are in the long-run. We are in a fight to save ourselves. We hold a compass that only points forward. You can stop and rest as long as you like, but that dial will never point any direction but forward. Take the time to heal your bones, to heal your senses and your overall well-being. Take the time to be caught in the middle. But, remember, at some point you have to get up, dust off those hiking boots and continue on that journey.

Because we’re at the bottom. It feels as if we’ll never make it to the top. Maybe the top doesn’t exist. Maybe life is just one large incline in which we can fall off of easily, but can never surpass. I don’t know what awaits you toward the top; nor do I know that there is a top, per se.

What I do know is this: it gets better on the way up. You will gain your footing. You will take all the time you need to do so. The climb will begin again, but it’s up to you to begin. You are the main conductor of this journey.

You will be okay. We will be okay. You are never alone and you matter more than you can imagine. You were put on this Earth to rise up and scoop up all the opportunities that you possibly can. There will be a tomorrow. There will be an after-tomorrow. I don’t know what it holds for you, but I do know it holds you.

Let it hold you. Let yourself exist. Let yourself continue. Let yourself persevere.

You will find your footing once again; negativity isn’t permanent. You will find yourself again, one way or other. We always find ourselves where we are seldom looking. You’ll find your way out of the middle and back to the top, or at least further than you are now.

You will find your feet again. Let yourself find peace, no matter the circumstances. Let yourself live again. You owe yourself that much.

 

Yes, My Mental Illness Is Debilitating

“I’m just a little bit caught in the middle. I try to keep going but it’s not that simple.”

This article was originally published with The Odyssey on August 9, 2017.

I’m sick today. I feel shaky, my hands are sweaty and my head hurts, among other things. I have a laundry list of complaints that include body aches, bloating and a fluctuating change in appetite. I’ve been to the doctor, but they say I’m healthy.

They’ve checked all my boxes, noting that I’m doing well with eating vegetables and fruits. This is a different kind of sick. This is the type of sick where I don’t want to see the sun, don’t want to get out of bed, don’t want to see anyone ever again. I have mental illness and it’s debilitating.

I’m not intentionally ignoring you. I’m not ghosting you on purpose and I didn’t read your text and not answer to hurt you. I haven’t answered emails in days because I know I will have to prepare myself to truly process all they have to say. I know I was supposed to have that file sent to you last week, but it’s honestly on the bottom of my to-do list.

It’s not that you’re unimportant to me; you are very important to me. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about all the things I’m not doing to show you that. I haven’t forgotten about the things I was supposed to do for my boss, my mom or my doctor either. Everything is piling up and I’m less than thrilled.

I feel like an anvil is crushing my shoulders. My head is filled with pressure and my ears are ringing nonstop. I don’t know what I did to my neck or my back, but I feel terrible. I am not only sluggish but fatigued. I’m absolutely exhausted and I haven’t even made it out of my bed yet. Everything is so dark and I feel as though I don’t deserve to see the light just beyond my blinds.

My phone is right there. You’re probably near yours too. If I just picked it up and dialed your number, you’d probably answer. But what if you don’t? What if you’re too busy to answer? What if you’d rather not talk to me and you press ignore? It’s better I don’t touch the phone at all.

It’s been hours since I woke up and my stomach is growling. I know I should feed my body something to sustain it, but I can’t think of anything I want to eat. I can’t think of anything appetizing and make myself sick to my stomach just thinking about food.

Even if I manage to get out of bed today, I will not be productive. I will hug myself in the shower, neglecting to wash my hair, as strands or even locks of it twirl around the drain. I will put off getting dressed for too long. When I do get dressed, I’m lucky if I put on a bra or socks. I honestly feel as though every move I make is forced.

I return to my room and sit on my bed, staring at the wall for probably hours. You text me, but I don’t answer. You felt obligated to text me. You don’t really want to hear from me. I don’t want to annoy you. I don’t know what to say to you. I opt for nothing at all.

How do I describe how I’m feeling? I would write a text, backspace, rewrite, delete, edit, compose again, and finally lock the phone altogether. I just feel…empty. No, that’s not it. Tired. That’s too simple. Jumbled. Confused. Overwhelmed. How can you be overwhelmed when you haven’t done a single thing today? Scared. Anxious. No, not nervous. Anxious. Panicked. Suffocated.

Despite all those adjectives, I feel my true feelings don’t even scratch the cusp of those descriptors. This overwhelms me more.

Later I may manage some food and maybe I’ll manage too much. I’ll eat too much, returning to the nauseating sensation that plagued me just a few hours earlier. With a heated blanket and a heating pad, I swaddle myself. I overheat. I sweat, I hyperventilate and panic.

I don’t want to see anyone. The question of whether or not I should contact you is not even a thought in my mind anymore. I can’t stop thinking about all the things I’m not doing. I can’t stop thinking about all the deadlines I have missed. I can’t stop thinking about all the people I have disappointed. All the people I have let myself disappoint. All the people I have let myself let down because I couldn’t force myself to get through another day.

I am constantly fighting with myself. There is and will always be a crazy battle raging inside of me. I am either not doing enough or doing entirely too much. I am either not eating or stuffing myself. I am either over-sleeping or barely getting 4 hours. I will never do anything in-between. I will never do anything half-assed. I have mental illness and it debilitates me.

I hate that it debilitates me. I hate that I let it win some days; that I let it convince me to stay in bed, avoid all contact and sunlight and convince me that I am not worth it. I hate that it discourages me from doing things I love. I hate that it makes everything difficult. I hate that I woke up feeling exhausted.

Though I despise my mental illness and absolutely wish it would slink away to give me a chance to catch a fucking break, I have to let it engulf me sometimes. I have to let myself rest. I have to convince myself that it’s OK to let myself rest. I have to put myself first and I have to give my body time.

Though I shouldn’t go days without human contact, a shower, a decent meal or any sense of productivity, I have to let myself breathe. I have to learn to do things in little steps, instead of overwhelming myself.

Maybe we’ll opt for dry shampoo and face wash tomorrow. Maybe I’ll try to text a few people tomorrow. Maybe I’ll order in or ask a friend to bring something over. I’ll answer a couple of emails. I’ll check some things off the to-do list.

I have mental illness. It’s debilitating. I don’t want to get out of bed sometimes and I force myself to get out of bed other times. It’s not constant but it never goes away. I’ll talk to you about it after I have my latest episode. I’ll try to describe to you what I’m feeling.

I’ll try to open the blinds and let some light in. Maybe I’ll open the window. Maybe I’ll go for a drive. I’ll try to watch a movie I like or listen to music I like. I’ll attempt to go to work. I’ll attempt to get my work done.

My mental illness is debilitating. Sometimes, I let it convince me of things I know are not true. Sometimes I let it lock me up deep inside myself and convince myself I’ve forgotten where the key is. I let it convince me that I don’t even have the key. Sometimes, I gather all my might and kick it up to high heaven. I let my mental illness know that today is not the day. Tomorrow might be, though.

It’s hard. It’s never going to stop being hard, but I’m never going to stop trying. I have mental illness. It’s debilitating. I let it hold me when I can no longer hold myself, but I never let it win.

No, I Won’t Reach Out To You When I Am Having A Breakdown

When I am having a major depressive episode, anxious meltdown, or drowning in my mental illness, don’t expect me to come to you.

It’s just not something I’m comfortable with.

This article was originally published with The Odyssey on June 27, 2017.

When I am having a major depressive episode, anxious meltdown, or drowning in my mental illness, don’t expect me to come to you. When I have a breakdown, I feel as if the entire world is resting on my shoulders, but my shoulders are weak and could give out any minute. I feel as if I am paralyzed; I cannot stand up. I cannot stop crying. I am frozen. I won’t ever reach out to you when I’m feeling like this. It’s not personal. it’s not a cry for help. I just can’t function like that. Let me help you understand.

It doesn’t matter how long we’ve been friends. It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve come to me with your problems. It definitely doesn’t matter if we’re in the same proximity. When I am breaking down, I will not reach out to you for help because I don’t think I need help. My first instinct is to doubt myself – I automatically think that my trigger was self-inflicted, or I was being too sensitive. My second instinct is to hide my feelings. I shouldn’t bother anyone else with my problems. People have problems of their own, and I’m freaking out over nothing. My third instinct is to push it down, far away and act like it never happened. I should be stronger than this.

When I don’t come to you, don’t take it as an insult. Don’t think that I’m avoiding you, or that I’ve been speaking to someone else over you. Don’t be upset with me because I wasn’t able to express myself. I’ve never been very good at expressing my feelings. It’s hard to explain why I was fine a second ago, and now I can’t stop shaking. It’s even more difficult to let myself be so vulnerable. When my mental illness strikes, I’m as raw as it can be. There are no shields, gates or guards up; I am completely naked and surrounded by darkness. It’s terrifying.

I’ve tried coping mechanisms, but personally, I’ve found that riding it out is the best way for me to handle a breakdown. When I open up to others while breaking down, I feel it is often harder to calm down because I feel like I have to prove or explain myself. I don’t always know the reasons for why I become upset. I rarely have the answers.

When I’m breaking down, don’t expect me to reach out to you. Don’t expect me to come to you when I’m letting my anxiety and depression get the best of me for an unexpected amount of time. Don’t ask me to talk to you while I’m crying, don’t ask me why I’m shaking, and don’t ask others what is ‘wrong’ with me.

I know that people aren’t so great at handling grief, depression, or mental illness in general. It can be hard to reach someone, especially when they have a mindset like mine. It can be even harder to know what to say and what not to say. A trigger could disguise itself as a compliment; you never know what weapons you’re expelling when you speak. It’s a difficult situation. I choose not to back others into the corner that is mental breakdowns because I don’t want anything to become worse. When I’m at my lowest and most vulnerable, I can’t chance anything going wrong. I don’t have it in me to handle mistakes when I’m down like that. When I’m down, I’m not feeling very strong at all.

What I will do is come to you after a breakdown. I’ll text you, call you, or return to our hang out after I’ve cried my eyes out and calmed myself down. I might tell you about it if I’m feeling a bit stronger, or I may wait until I’ve got my feet planted firmly. I’ll talk to you about why it happened, and maybe we can discuss ways to maybe soften the blow the next time.

I will reach out to you when I feel I am strong enough to. Please understand that you have done nothing wrong. I will reach for your hand when I feel safe inside myself enough to do so. Let me return to my strength before we can be strong together.

Replacing Apologies With Gratitude

Often, people don’t know how to tell you things aren’t your fault. They don’t understand where the toxic roots come from, and they don’t understand how to comfort you when you feel the way that you do.

“Thank You” is the new “I’m Sorry.”

This article was originally published for The Odyssey on April 4, 2017.

When I was younger, I was a sounding board for many of my friends who felt they didn’t have anyone else to talk to. I heard stories of depression, anxiety, suicide and anything else you can imagine teenagers between the ages of fourteen and sixteen have to say. It was a really demanding and heavy job; I often felt that I had no where to release my own feelings and began to absorb others’ on top of my own. Soon, I found myself in a toxic environment where I was doing everything wrong and so I began apologizing for everything, even when there was nothing to apologize for.

Being in a toxic environment is like suffocating; being surrounded by several toxic people at once is like drowning. It’s heavy, it’s debilitating and you always feel guilty and shameful. Toxic relationships have a way of bringing you down, as if you were shackled to a wall inside a tornado. Manipulative people take your fears and insecurities and their own insecurities and demons, and your life becomes a whirlwind of darkness. You feel as if everything is your fault, because they make it seem like you’re to blame. You’re not, and sometimes you know you’re not, and that’s what makes everything harder.

Leaving a toxic relationship of any kind is stressful and scary; you’re never quite sure if you’ll make it out alive. The first few steps of freedom are light and airy, and you wish you had done it earlier, if only you had known you were being manipulated. The bad times don’t stop there though. After leaving a relationship like that, sometimes you take those habits with you long after the fact.

Always feeling as though things are your fault is a common habit that follows you and weaves its way into your other relationships. The roots a toxic person digs into you are so deep, even when you thought you had severed the last of them, there are still seeds hiding underneath your memories.

Often, people don’t know how to tell you things aren’t your fault. They don’t understand where the toxic roots come from, and they don’t understand how to comfort you when you feel the way that you do. They often say something like, “Oh my god! Stop apologizing!” or “It’s not your fault.” Well, we all know it’s not your fault, but it’s become a habit to feel like it’s your fault, so you speak that feeling.

The best way for both parties to decrease the amount of apologizing and animosity toward the constant apologizing is this: simply replace the word ‘sorry’ with ‘thank you’.

When someone is speaking to you about something that is bothering them, do not apologize. Instead try saying, “Thank you for confiding in me.” When someone is apologizing for something that isn’t their fault, try saying, “Thank you for listening to me.” or “Thank you for your concern.”

The thank-you-replacement can go for other situations, too.

Instead of apologizing for being late, try saying, “Thank you for waiting for me.” Instead of apologizing for speaking your mind, or expressing your feelings, try, “Thank you for understanding and comforting me.”

Stop apologizing for everything. It’s easier said than done, of course, but it’s pretty simple to replace an apology with an expression of gratitude. You will begin to feel less heavy with guilt, and the roots of that toxic relationship will eventually dissolve as you become more thankful for your surroundings.

When I was a junior in high school, and I found myself surrounded by toxicity, I found the clearest way out of the situation and rode the solo wave for a while. It was difficult to repel the signs of red flags I saw in other people; I was always on my guard so that I wouldn’t be in a similar situation again. I was so scared of being sucked back into the darkness that I didn’t know how to immerse myself in meaningful relationships again.

When I began replacing my apologies with gratitude, it was like I had opened an entirely new door to my future. There is so much beauty in the world, and we take advantage of it every day. Expressing gratitude for my friendships, my family and myself became something I would try to build on in the future, and attempt to gain more of as I grew older. The remnants of guilt and heaviness from my previous toxic experiences soon faded away and dissolved into my past.

I am still triggered by some things relating to those relationships today, but I no longer let them weight me down long term. I remember to thank my lucky stars for what I have in present time, and what those toxic relationships have provided me with since. Gratitude in place of apology has opened my eyes up to the little things, the little bits of beauty we forget to remember.

I am thankful for the light I have discovered outside of the toxic relationships I once had. There was a time when I thought I’d never see the beauty I have. Getting away from toxicity is difficult, but it is not impossible. Know that gratitude will always be waiting for you to embrace it, even when you think there is nothing to be thankful for. There will always be something to be grateful for, and unlike guilt, gratitude is never apologetic.

It’s Not Giving Up, It’s Stepping Back

Know that even if someone important to you does depart, that they may return. If they don’t, however, know that you’ll be just fine because you can stand on your own two feet.

What to realize when someone “leaves you” due to your mental illness.

This article was originally published for the The Odyssey on March 6, 2017.

We’ve all seen that picture that circulates the internet with a few words written on a photograph that reads, “Please don’t leave,” or “Please don’t leave me.” I’ve heard many people relay those same words to me as they beg me not to ‘leave them behind’ due to their mental illness. I wish they would realize that I’m not leaving them behind; I’m simply taking a breather. When someone ‘leaves’ you for reasons surrounding your mental illness, understand that they’re not giving up on you; they’re simply taking a step back.

Mental illness can be a very powerful and draining thing. Enduring it alone is difficult and many people believe they cannot survive without the support of others. This is true in some cases. The problem is that there will almost always be someone who ‘leaves’ due to the circumstances surrounding your mental illness, and you can’t give up just because that person is no longer around.

I don’t really like to use the word ‘leave’ or ‘leaves’ because I think that usually correlates with someone disappearing. Generally, you leave a place, not a person. You are not an object. You are not an island and your mental illness isn’t shark infested waters. A better word for your situation is likely ‘step back’ or ‘give in’. Giving up and leaving are generally not what a person does when they can no longer bear the weight of your mental illness.

Your demons are dark, no matter what kind they are and no matter where they originate from. They are dark and heavy on your soul. They try to eat you alive. That’s what creates depression, anxiety, and other types of mental illness. When a friend or family member that was once close to you decides to remove themselves from your life due to a circumstance surrounding your mental illness, it is not your fault. Let me repeat that: it is not your responsibility to keep someone from taking a step back.

Friendship is fluid. Family can even be fluid, though many don’t think so. Demons are scary and powerful. They will try to drag anyone and everything down with them into the pits of darkness. They are incredibly toxic. When someone close to you forfeits their relationship with you, it’s because they’re trying to get as far away from those evil demons as they can.

Many of us shoulder our own demons, and if someone takes a step back from their relationship with you, it’s likely due to the fact that they cannot handle both your demons and their own.

It feels personal, but I promise, in a real friendship or a real, genuine relationship, it isn’t. Friends are not generally equipped to handle those types of things. They aren’t registered therapists or psychiatrists, and no matter how many times they lend you an ear, they simply aren’t trained to help you in the way you require.

Understand that those who can no longer face your demons are not giving up, they’re taking a step back. In the bargain that is their mental health and your relationship, they will and should put their mental health first. Just as you aren’t to blame for your mental illness, you’re not to blame for your friends departing.

As long as you have not hurt those friends or family members on purpose, or manipulated them in any way to get what you wanted, you are not the problem. If you genuinely did not hurt someone and they step back, it is not personal. Know that, however, if there was manipulation and ill-feelings involved, that your relationship may not return, and sometimes that’s for the better. It is not someone else’s job to fix you. It is their job to hold your hand while you fix yourself.

Think of your relationships as one of those bridges that lifts up its ends to allow the ships to pass through. The ships represent time. You and that person are just lifting up your sides of the bridge. It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to, the bridges cannot pass through if you do not lift your side up. Many ships will pass through. Sometimes, even after the ships have passed, your friend may not wish to put their side of the bridge back down. That’s okay, too. Sometimes it’s not meant to be.

After realizing the reason for your relationship’s hiatus, you have to remember that you are not alone, no matter how lonely you feel. Everyone has to put their mental health first, but that doesn’t mean that yours no longer matters. Your mental health and mental illness are just as important as anyone else’s. Know that you cannot give up just because someone you care about took a step back. You have to take a stand up for yourself and fight tooth and nail for your life. If life was meant to be easy, we’d all live forever.

You have to learn to be your own anchor. You have to prop yourself up and fight against all the negativity coming at you. Be your own ray of sunshine, and perhaps you’ll be a ray of sunshine for others too. You are meant to be here. You have a purpose even if you haven’t realized it just yet. If you weren’t meant to be on this Earth, the Universe would have picked you off long ago.

You are meant to be here to change the world, even if it’s someone’s world. Realizing that will help you in your process of healing. Know that even if someone important to you does depart, that they may return. If they don’t, however, know that you’ll be just fine because you can stand on your own two feet. You are strong. You will always be strong. Continue to be strong, if not for anyone but yourself. No one can drag you down but you, remember that. You are your own anchor.

You Are Your Own Galaxy

Your future isn’t a ticking time bomb.

The only person who can define your success is you.

This article was originally published for The Odyssey on January 3, 2017.

Time isn’t real. Okay, let me rephrase. Time, regarding how long it should take to complete a task, doesn’t really exist. We learn from a young age that certain tasks take a certain maximum amount of time, but this just isn’t correct. Writing a paragraph may take some people five minutes, while it may take other people ten. It depends on the person, the topic and the paragraph. Writing a paper may take an hour, or several. It depends. Just like menial tasks don’t have time limits, your success doesn’t either. Your path, your possibilities and your future successes are infinite; you are your own clock, you are your own galaxy.

Your future isn’t a ticking time bomb. It isn’t going to explode in a year, ten years or twenty. Anything is possible at any age, any time, any day and any year. Do not ever let anyone else define a time-period for your success. Your success is infinite and will never expire. Your productivity, your passion and your inability to complete certain tasks do not limit future you. You are your own galaxy, you abide by your own rules, your own system of time and your own governing.

Some people know exactly how they want to spend the rest of their lives the minute they accept their high school diploma. Some people don’t. Some people won’t find out for several years. Some people never find out. All of these things are OK and perfectly acceptable. Some people have one major, some people have two, some people have five. Some people have none. Still acceptable. Some people finish college in two years, some finish in five, some finish in ten. Some never attend college. All of these people are human. You do not become less of a person because you don’t have your life situated a certain way.

Your success will never abide by a time limit, no matter how many parents, teachers or people on the internet tell you that you’re not in the right place. Know that you are in your own place and what’s right or wrong can only be decided by one person: you.

Just because other people surrounding you have completed something faster or slower than you does not mean they are wrong. It simply means they are abiding by their own time, their own potential and their own possibilities. It does not make that person any less intelligent, any less potent or any less successful.

No matter how many people try to commandeer your future and your success, that little piece of paper does not define your worth. You are not measured in grade point averages. You will never be measured in grade point averages.

If college isn’t your setting, no worries. Your advancement in the business world does not define your success. The only person in the entire world who can define your worth, your success and your intelligence is you. Moving at your own pace? Fantastic. Moving faster? Awesome. Taking a break from moving? Treat yourself. Not moving at all? Perfectly acceptable.

People are destined to have different paths in life. If we were all heading down the same path, life would be pretty boring. We aren’t all meant to be doctors or lawyers or business executives. We’re also not meant to not be doctors, lawyers or business executives, either. There is a huge need for every occupation out there. Anything is possible. Your potential will never expire.

Age is just a number. You can go back to school, you can get a new job, you can start again, funds permitting. Life does not slow down for anyone.

When you or someone you know is not completing a task according to whoever’s allotted time expectancy, do not shame or be ashamed. Allotted time isn’t real. Our successes are not measured in seconds, minutes or hours. Our successes are not limited by a clock. Our successes are infinite, our futures are infinite, our potential, infinite.

You are your own amazing galaxy. You are vast and beautiful and it’s OK if you haven’t discovered everything out there yet. You may never discover everything out there and that’s OK, too. You are wonderful and curious and you will find your way. Your success cannot be measured by other galaxies, because you are your own galaxy. You have different methods practiced in order to obtain different outcomes. Your possibilities are endless. You are a gracious and ground-breaking galaxy and your success will be abundant.

Do not give up and recoil because you are not meeting someone else’s requirements. You are on your own path to success and will not be swayed by other’s attempts at discouragement. Know that you are a worldly wonder and you will find your way, no matter which direction you head in.

You are your own galaxy. Shine like the star you want to be.

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When The Phrase “I Love Myself” Becomes Foreign To You

It’s not easy, it never will be easy, until you figure out a way to speak for yourself.

Self-love isn’t easy, but it’s worth the fight.

This article was originally published for The Odyssey on October 25, 2016.

I have never looked at myself in the mirror and thought that I am beautiful. I have never seen myself in a reflection and thought that I was a prized possession. I cope with jokes about self-hate and acting like I don’t care, but the truth is, self-love has never been easy for me. I know I’m not alone when I say this. I know there are millions of other people who don’t see their own worth, and that blindness we direct toward ourselves can be detrimental to our health and our futures. When the phrase “I love myself” becomes foreign to you, know that you are not alone.

We live in a world where body image isn’t always presented in a positive way. Both females and males are pressured to look a certain way, depending on what is portrayed in magazines, in Hollywood, on television, in movies, and in everyday life. Lacking confidence when it comes to your personal image can begin at a very young age. All it takes is someone more attractive than you to waltz down the school hallway, and that one thought that speaks, “I wish I could be like them.”

I recognized my lack in confidence early in the middle school years when I was never the one that boys were flocking to. So many girls had boyfriends and first kisses already, and I was the weird girl that was too loud for her own good and had literally no sense of fashion. Any guy I ever had a crush on always had a crush on my best friend, whoever it was at that time. I wasn’t even a second or third choice, it was like I wasn’t even considerable enough to be a choice. I still feel that way sometimes.

It’s when we recognize these flaws or mistakes, as some consider them to be, and we let them control us, that we enter the danger zone. We see there is a problem that we cannot fix and do not know where to turn. Some of us resort to self-harm, some of us resort to self-medicating and some of us resort to something much worse. The narrative surrounding self-worth becomes the only topic we’re ever thinking about. We begin comparing ourselves to just about anyone we can. We beat ourselves down and tell ourselves there’s no point.

Insecurities aren’t easy to discuss. You’re basically telling someone, “Hey, I don’t like this about myself, and I think that damages my self-worth.” It’s embarrassing. Especially because that person will either tell you that you’re wrong, you’re crazy or they’ll take pity on you. Allowing your insecurities to control your self-worth opens the door for other people to start preying on your insecurities and your vulnerability. The bullies get what they want and you’re left feeling empty inside because you aren’t what you consider perfect.

Sometimes support isn’t easy to come by. Your family looks down on you, your friends aren’t equipped to handle that level of self-hate yet and you certainly don’t know how to ask for outside help. How can you continue to go on living when you don’t feel comfortable in your own skin? How can you go on living if you feel like a stranger inside your own body?

You reach out and take a hand. Any hand that you can reach and grasp, you take and you take it hard. It’s not easy, it never will be easy, until you figure out a way to speak for yourself. Do not let your insecurities win. Fight for yourself, fight for the self you aspire to be. You deserve to love yourself. You deserve to accept yourself. You deserve to be someone you’re proud of.

When you own up to your insecurities, the first thing anyone ever says is, “Well why don’t you just change yourself then?” While it may be easy for some people to make a change about who they are and escape their insecurities, this is not the case for everyone. It can be difficult to untangle yourself from the roots your demons have instilled in you. That’s when you need to fight as hard as you can to get what you want.

I’ve always had an issue with my weight. I’ve tried exercising, I’ve tried body positivity, I’ve tried to stop caring. Someone told me to ‘fake it ’til you make it’ and that didn’t really work either. I got to a point where I was tired of hating myself. I didn’t have the capacity to hate myself anymore. I didn’t have the time to dwell on self-pity. So I stopped. It wasn’t easy and I still don’t love myself, but I don’t hate myself anymore. Maybe this is what acceptance is like?

I recently saw a video from The Scene, a news platform that reports on fashion, food, culture, and comedy across the world, that inspired me to write this article. Two best friends write down their insecurities about their bodies, then say them to one another and direct them to one another. The video not only made me tear up, but also made me want to immediately share it with my friends whom I know also struggle with insecurities.

When you are saying all those terrible things about yourself, all those hateful things your insecurities drive you to project onto yourself, imagine you are saying it a best friend. Alternatively, I once saw a campaign that asked you to imagine you were telling your younger self all the things you hate about yourself.

I think ultimately the best way to tackle a positive personal image is to treat yourself like you would someone else. Be a best friend to yourself. Be a positive role model for yourself. All in all, take it day by day. Embrace yourself whenever possible. Celebrate the way your body looks, even when it changes. Erase the word ‘perfect’ from your vocabulary. Become someone you’ll be proud of, and become that person for yourself, not for anyone else. Love parts of yourself, even if you can’t enjoy the whole thing. Take it step by step.

Maybe today we don’t like ourselves, and maybe tomorrow we won’t like ourselves either. When we do finally get to the day where we can drop that L word to the mirror, it’ll be a mountain climbed and conquered. We’ll know it was well-worth the trek.

We’ll get to that comfortable place someday, and we’ll get there together, as long as you continue to reach out and grab that hand. Fight for yourself and your future. When the phrase “I love myself” becomes foreign to you, know that it won’t be like that forever. It may take time, it may take space and self-love, but there will come a day when you’ll feel comfortable in your own skin.

When the phrase “I love myself” becomes foreign to you, remember that it will become familiar again. Remember that you deserve the right to love yourself. Remember there are always people willing to support and love you, every step of the journey.

 

Let’s Talk About Suicide

At the end of the day, we need to all stand together to help prevent suicide.

September is Suicide Awareness month. It’s time we speak up.

This article was originally published for The Odyssey on September 12, 2016.

Sometimes, it seems easier to avoid talking about scary subjects. It seems harmless to ignore the tragedies that happen in the world and this country every second, every minute, day, week, month and year. Most people shade their eyes, cover their ears and pretend they live in a perfect world. Among other things, this is unhealthy and delusional. It’s time to talk about those scary subjects. It’s time to inform our children of what is out there. It’s time to open our hearts to those asking so desperately for help. It’s time to stand up and speak out. Let’s talk about an S-word. Suicide. This year, September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month.

Suicide. Even just sounding it out can sound threatening. Those seven letters are laced with so many negative ideas and feelings. Many people don’t even utilize this word in their vocabulary. It’s easier to pretend it doesn’t exist; that it doesn’t plague our country, nonetheless the world. Stop taking the easy way out.

Suicide can affect anyone, regardless of gender, age, sexuality, or background. For the sake of conciseness, I’m only going to highlight the troubles we face in America regarding suicide. I am not disregarding any other countries or downplaying how serious the suicide epidemic can be. I simply want to adjust the focal point so that my audience will realize the harsh circumstances surrounding them daily.

Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people. In 2014, youth aged 15 to 24 had the third highest suicide rate of 11.6, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention or AFSP. People ages 45 to 64 had a rate of 19.2, the second highest and ages 85 and up have a rate of 19.3, the highest rate of suicide in America. Each year, 45,773 people die of suicide in America and for every successful suicide, there are 25 attempts. There are 117 suicides per day. Females are more likely to attempt three times more, and three times more often, but males are four times more likely to die by suicide.

So why does it happen? Why do so many people die from such a preventable premise? Why are so many people, so many communities, and so many worlds completely shook up, damaged and changed by this horrific tragedy? An easy answer will tell us that it’s our fault or society’s fault. We don’t talk about it enough, we stigmatize it too much, or we don’t take action enough. While I could pull up statistics about each of those ideas and tell you that some reign true, it’s not our fault. At the end of the day, we can’t save everyone. Even in a perfect world where we educate people about the dangers of suicide, it would still exist. Depression still exists. Mental Illness would still exist. Death would still exist.

In an attempt to answer the question in one way, I’ve researched some reasons why people want to kill themselves. In a study completed by Psychology Today, a site that opens with the search bar ‘Find a Therapist’, and seeks to help the mentally ill by informing them of news and connecting them to the help they require, researchers studied several suicide notes and tried to deduct the reasoning behind each of them. Half of the notes they studied were authored by people who attempted, while the other half were successful completions. They found that each note seemed to be based on one of five ideas: senses of burden, emotional pain, escaping negativity, a change in the social world and hopelessness.

In the end, they found that the majority of the notes composed by people who succeeded, were based not on pain, but the sense of burden. Let’s think about that. The majority of people in this study, who succeeded at committing suicide, decided to take their own lives because they truly believed that they were worthless, no one would miss them and their existence was nothing but a burden to others. If that doesn’t scare the shit out of you, I don’t know what will. There are people that work with us, that go to school with us, that walk beside us on the street, who honestly believe their existence is meaningless. If you think this idea is barbaric and absolutely impossible, you’ve been living with your eyes closed.

Millions of people, suicidal or not, either feel this way or have felt this way in the past ten years. That’s terrifying. How do you convince someone that their existence isn’t meaningless? They’ve already convinced themselves that there is no way out except suicide. How do you fix this? How do you fix them? How do you prevent such a terrible thing from happening?

This is why we need to discuss suicide. Many people don’t know the answers to these questions. I know that I’m not quite sure either. I know that attempting to fix the problem listed above can be exhausting because it’s like talking to a wall. Once someone is in that state of mind, that state of worthlessness, they are almost impossible to reconcile. So how does this end? Is suicide an endless cycle we will never escape?

Listen to me very carefully. The key to stopping the cycle, is literally, to start spreading awareness. That sounds kind of crazy right, especially since I said earlier that spreading awareness isn’t going to save everyone, right? If you look at a problem, any problem that you have in this life, and think “Hm. I could take a measure or two or help some part of the problem. Or I could just do nothing instead because we’re never going to fix everything,” you are already a part of the problem. If everyone thought this way, we would have no advancements in modern medicine, especially concerning cancer. Think about that. If you can fix even just one aspect of a certain problem, and save some lives in the meantime, wouldn’t you want to take that chance?

First things first, let’s talk about why you don’t want to talk about suicide. It’s not just because you think it would be easier not to. It’s not just because of fear. Another S-word we should mention here is stigma. There is a huge stigma with suicide, depression and mental illness in general. People refuse to talk about these things because it’s unheard of. It’s wrong. It’s a secret. It’s embarrassing. No matter what reason it is, that makes you cower when suicide is mentioned, you need to find a way to kill it with fire.

It’s okay to be afraid of something. It’s okay to be afraid of suicide and mental illness. What’s not okay, is not talking about it or speaking up about your fears because you don’t want to be judged, or you don’t want people to see you discussing such a thing. Suicide happens every 40 seconds. It’s real. It’s more real than it’s ever been. Suicide is treated like a disease, and while it is an epidemic, you won’t catch it by speaking about it. Yet people hide behind the stigma because they’re afraid of what may happen after discussing suicide. Sure, it’s hard to talk about, but it’s necessary. More necessary than it’s ever been.

As Marisa Lancione of The Mighty reports, “There’s no easy way of talking about suicide because it’s hard to explain why someone would think killing themselves is a viable solution to their problems. As someone who has seriously thought about numerous ways to die, suicide is still hard to articulate. It’s a complex and confusing issue because it goes against one of our most basic instincts: self-preservation.” She mentions that even though this fear can easily cloud your judgment, it shouldn’t be something that stops you from opening your mouth.

What about your fear of being judged? Suicide and mental illness are discussed with a load of ignorance most of the time. People talk about which ways they would want to go out if the need should ever arise. They say people commit suicide for attention. They judge people for attempting and not succeeding and then turn around and judge the same people who succeeded. You can’t win.

Mental illness is an illness, just like cancer, just like dementia, just like any other illness you’d be treated for in a conventional hospital. It should be treated as a regular illness. Just like those people who did not cause their own cancer, mentally ill people did not create their illness. This is where the stigma should slip away. Once you realize that mentally ill people are just as sick and stuck in their sickness as someone with a rare disease is, you’ll realize that they shouldn’t be treated any differently. Would you tell a cancer patient that their disease is a misconception they made up in their mind? Would you tell a person with Alzheimer’s that they are just asking for attention and pretending to feel this way? No, you wouldn’t. So you shouldn’t say that to mentally ill people either.

What’s next? Speaking up. Marisa from The Mighty talks about how to approach speaking about suicide. She says, “So it’s not that we shouldn’t talk about suicide because we’re afraid it’ll be contagious, but we need to know how to talk about it. We need to be sensitive to our audience. We need to be considerate of other people’s experiences. We need to be kind and understanding.” Talking about suicide won’t increase suicide. It won’t make you suicidal. It won’t make your children suicidal. Making adjustments to how we approach suicide and stigma relating to stigma, can only help the problem.

Every time I mention suicide or something related to it, I become very emotional. For those of you who read my articles regarding Emotional Triggers and Trigger Warnings, you know why I feel so deeply attached to this subject. I know it’s scary to speak up about your personal experiences, but I also know that if I don’t speak up, my trigger won’t be doing anything but hurting me, when it could be put forth to help spread awareness. So here goes nothing.

I, like many other people in this world, have been personally affected by suicide. I have been there, where I felt there was no way to escape my pain and suffering except to end it all. Though I reached out to someone before actually acting on my feelings, I know that some aren’t half as lucky, to realize the fault in their feelings like so. Growing up, I was that friend that people always went to when they felt hopeless, and like there was nothing left for them in this world. It was emotionally and physically exhausting to have to be at everyone’s beck and call, just to make sure that they wouldn’t kill themselves overnight because then I would be to blame. Most of my friendships regarding this type of relationship became toxic for me and ultimately ended up contributing to my triggers, which now mostly focus around the idea of suicide.

Looking back, there was never a time in which I did not have a friend who had either attempted or thought about attempting suicide. Out of all the people I have ever known, almost all of them have been plagued with these thoughts and ideas. It wasn’t shocking to me in that moment because I thought that it was just the times. I thought, well, in these days, people are suicidal and depressed and that’s life. Now that I’m in college, I only surround myself with positive people, so that I am not sucked into the black hole that suicide becomes for anyone and everyone who becomes involved with it. No matter how much distance I put between myself and it, suicide still affects me. It still plagues me, taking the form of a debilitating trigger.

I have lost people. I fear I may lose more. Even those I did not personally know still shake me up inside because I’ve been there. I’ve seen suicide at all the angles it can possibly manifest. It terrifies me. I do not think there will ever come a day when it does not terrify me. That will not stop me from talking about it. My fear will not stop me from spreading awareness and it certainly won’t stop me from speaking up about it.

I, personally, fight for gun control often. Though I am tired of seeing the deaths at the hands of other people holding firearms, I am mostly fighting for gun control reform because of suicide. Firearms account for 50% of all suicides. I truly believe that gun control reform will help to decrease that statistic. Will it save everyone? No. Even if it just saves one life, I think that would be a success.

Suicide is a tough subject. Like I’ve mentioned, it can be hard to approach, and hard to help. Prevention is possible. If we all work together, and realize that this is a disease much like many others, it will be a step in the right direction.

If you know someone who is dealing with some struggles of suicide, whether it be them personally, or them dealing with the loss of a friend, the best thing you can do, at first, is be there for them. There are not many ways you can fix this problem. As Marisa Lancione states in her article from earlier, “Other than being there for them, listening to them and giving them a hug if they want it, there’s no real way to console a friend or family member who is dealing with this type of loss.”

If the problem exceeds your expertise, encourage the person to call a helpline to talk. These helplines will be located at the bottom of this article. If you are the person dealing with these issues, there are helplines and online chats filled with people willing to listen and help you with your feelings. You can survive this.

In general and in lower circuits, you can help to prevent suicide by creating safe spaces. In high school, a friend of mine and I created a Facebook group where people could vent about their problems and seek help and advice from others in the school with zero judgment. If you’re going to create this type of group, make sure to fill it with positive people, and if a problem persists, like a person being rude or uncalled for, you must delete them and block them from the group. I’ve seen several other schools do this and have the group run as an efficient safe space for teens to voice their struggles.

In higher circuits, you can donate your time and money to organizations such as The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, National Alliance of Mental Illness, Yellow Ribbon, or several other organizations listed here and here.

At the end of the day, we need to all stand together to help prevent suicide. It’s time to speak up, reach out, and stand tall. Tell people your story. Talk to your children. Talk to your friends and family. We can take steps forward, together. You are never alone.

Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

Text the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741

Receive online help instantly via Live Chat

Also, head here for a list of Crisis Centers around the world.

Trigger Warnings: Appropriate Protection Or Millennial Bubble Wrap?

Trig·ger warn·ing (n): a statement at the start of a piece of writing, video, etc., alerting the reader or viewer to the fact that it contains potentially distressing material (often used to introduce a description of such content).

Trigger warnings, what they are and how they’re affecting us.

This article was originally published for The Odyssey on August 2, 2016.

These days it seems like everyone has something going on, whether it’s a slight case of butterflies before giving a speech, social anxiety, depression, or other mental illnesses that affect our day to day lives. Anyone who utilizes social media and is affected by a mental ailment of some sort has seen the phrase, “Trigger Warning.” It’s time to get down to business about these warnings; what they are, how they work and if they’re sheltering people too much.

Trig·ger warn·ing (n): a statement at the start of a piece of writing, video, etc., alerting the reader or viewer to the fact that it contains potentially distressing material (often used to introduce a description of such content). Basically, trigger warnings are messages warning readers to take caution, because topics in the following piece may contain sensitive content. They are most often placed at the beginning or near the beginning of a piece to ensure the reader, if they are triggered by sensitive content, has the opportunity to avoid that content, and of course, their trigger.

Trigger, or emotional triggers, are responses to people, places, events and content that will provoke an extreme emotional reaction. A trigger could be caused by many things, including but limited to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), stress, a traumatic event, anxiety, or other mental illnesses. When an individual is exposed to something that triggers them, they are transported back to a memory of a time when either something traumatic affected them, or they were a part of something that was very emotional. For instance, fireworks could trigger a war veteran because the loud noises in the distance remind him/her of gunshots, and all the violence they experienced while serving their country. Or, alternatively, if a sexual abuse victim hears students at his/her school making rape jokes, they may become upset after remembering the abuse they suffered, thus making anything involving sexual abuse, a trigger for them.

So now that we’re all aware of what triggers and trigger warnings are, let’s get down to debating a hot topic in today’s news: Are trigger warnings over-coddling millennial minds?

Before I start on the statistics and ideas I’m about to present to you, the reader, I’d like to make something very clear. There is a huge difference between being triggered by something, and not wanting to experience content because it’s not your preference to engage in such material. I don’t like mushrooms or Woody Allen, but I’m not triggered by those atrocities. Being triggered by something, means that it causes an individual to have an extreme emotional reaction, often including a mental breakdown, depending on the severity of the trigger and what memory it links back to.

That being said, let’s begin. Trigger warnings are most primarily utilized on the Internet. They are often included in news articles, Facebook posts, blog posts, and of course, all over Twitter and other social media platforms. Personally, I’ve seen all trigger warnings on Tumblr, a free-form blogging site. Recently, however, professors and college students have discussed including them in post-secondary curriculum.

Just a few years ago, University of California Santa Barbara’s Student Senate passed a rule that calls for mandatory trigger warnings to be included in professors’ syllabi and coursework in general. The resolution was passed in order to ensure that the university’s students would be informed of the aforementioned so that they could avoid and or prepare themselves for the emotional or physical distress that often follow sensitive content. Mostly, these trigger warnings were to be labeled on topics such as rape, sexual assault, suicide, graphic violence, and pornography, according to the LA Times.

Similarly, Oberlin College in Ohio considered mandatory trigger warning guidelines as well, basing their warnings on anything that “might cause trauma.” These warnings were supposed to be placed on coursework that mention sexism, racism, ableism and the like. Unfortunately, their faculty heavily opposed this idea and the university backed down. This opposition is being shared by not only other faculties at other universities but also several writers and journalists across the Internet.

According to The Atlantic, providing trigger warnings is providing a sense of vindictive protectiveness, or creating a culture where everyone has to walk on eggshells while speaking, out of fear of offending or upsetting someone. They believe that this culture is hurting students’ futures, as the entire idea of trigger warnings serves only to allow students to become ill-prepared for their future work environments.

A psychologist, Sarah Roff worries, “One of my biggest concerns about trigger warnings is that they will apply not just to those who have experienced trauma, but to all students, creating an atmosphere in which they are encouraged to believe that there is something dangerous or damaging about discussing difficult aspects of our history.” So obviously everyone is a little worried about the future of our youth.

So why are trigger warnings all of a sudden relevant? The Atlantic believes that it is simply a shift in generations. In the 1960s, parents were more than comfortable with allowing their children to walk and ride their bikes out alone with little to no supervision. As time went on, abductions increased, and baby boomers’ parents became more protective than usual. This pattern has been repeating itself, due to the increased amount of violence the past few years, which is causing parents to over-protect their children, and in fact, spoiling their children with this type of protection.

The important thing to note here, though, is that you can’t protect your children forever. You cannot save them from everything, and shelter them from the entire universe. Can you try? Absolutely. Should you try? Absolutely not. A huge part of growing up and making sure that your child won’t be swaddled while heading into the real world is allowing them to experience the world independently. Allowing your child to make mistakes, fail, form their own judgment opinions is a pretty nifty way to make sure they won’t leave the house in a thick coat of bubble wrap prepared by their over-protective parent.

Still, even with the protected youth and the free youth, mental illness is on the rise. Let’s look at some statistics. In 2013, the American College Counseling Association found that the number of students with “severe psychological problems” increased in their schools. In a study completed by the American College Health Association in 2014, 54 percent of college students who were surveyed said that they experienced extreme anxiety in the past year; a five percent increase since the same survey was conducted five years prior.

College campuses definitely aren’t lacking mental health, so why are they lacking trigger warnings, something that could help decrease that anxiety and promote better care of mental health? Probably because faculty members are not too excited about having to put some extra work in. According to a study completed by The National Coalition Against Censorship in 2015, fewer than one percent of anonymous professors reported that their university even had a policy on trigger warnings. However, in the same study, almost eight percent of those institutions’ students reported having attempted to persuade their universities to adopt such policies and this number is twice as many that reported having requested trigger warnings personally from their professors. Only twelve percent of students reportedly complained about the lack of trigger warnings.

In a report done by The William F. Buckley Jr. Program at Yale, it was reported that 63 percent of students were in favor of making trigger warnings mandatory in their coursework. The same survey found that students in different parts of the country think that there should be some restrictions on freedom of speech. Twenty-six percent of students said free speech is “somewhat important,” while seventy percent opposed, saying that free speech is very important. Many of the twenty-six percent said that they believed restrictions should be placed on speech if the speech would be considered “hateful or otherwise unpalatable.”

Most notably, however, it was reported that a whopping 58 percent of professors said that they often provided “voluntary warnings about course content.” Meaning that they were already providing a type of trigger warning before all this discussion sparked. That’s good! More than good, that’s awesome. I’m not so sure why other professors claim that doing the same thing would work to swaddle a generation, when Jesse Singal, who writes for New York Mag, mentions that before all this “trigger warning” talk, asking your professor for a heads up about graphic or sensitive curriculum was a normal occurrence. He writes that before this controversy, asking a professor for a trigger-warning was more of a “common courtesy.”

Fortunately enough, there are some professors who consider it more than a common courtesy and are in favor of trigger warnings and all that they set out to offer. Kate Manne of the New York Times wrote an article about why she chooses to utilize trigger warnings in her syllabi, and her response is nowhere near, ‘because I wanted to coddle the millennials.’ Kate says that she includes trigger warnings not to encourage students to skip their required reading, but to “allow those who are sensitive to these subjects to prepare themselves for reading about them, and better manage their reactions.” She mentions that not all triggers are predictable and obviously teachers aren’t supposed to tag everything that could possibly trigger someone, but a warning could help their students in allowing them this head start.

One of her biggest critics claims that students should be given their triggers in the same way that patients are given exposure therapy, by exposing them to a little bit at a time to gradually have them accept the problem. Kate, however, argues that treating triggers as though they can be cured by exposure therapy is like “throwing a spider at an arachnophobe.” Though Kate doesn’t think that these warnings should be mandatory, she is still fighting on the side to assist students who may need that leg up when studying material that may trigger them.

Several other professors and other types of university faculty have agreed with Kate in a “letter to the editor” style article on the New York Times website. One professor, Alice Rutowski, mentions that she utilizes trigger warnings in common-sense ways and only twice has ever encountered students who asked for alternative assignments because of a certain trigger. Joseph Burke, a dean of students at Cornell University also argues that Kate is correct on the “distinction between something that is ‘merely offensive’ and that which causes ‘panic attacks’.”

This has become one of the biggest arguments regarding the entire trigger warning debate. As I mentioned before, there is a huge line between a trigger and something that you would not like to read about. The Atlantic provides that it doesn’t matter where the line falls between them, because any time that speech can be seen as a form of violence, that vindictive protectiveness appears to justify a violent response.

Jesse Singal’s response to this argument can almost directly relate back to my own. On the topic of racism being a trigger, he says, “The idea that students who have ‘experienced racism’ — that is, just about all students of color — could be ‘triggered’ just by reading about it is a severe misunderstanding of the nature of trauma, and it’s also insulting to the small subset of students whose mental-health conditions really do cause them to relive traumas as a result of triggers, a group which includes some veterans and survivors of domestic or sexual assault.” The line between what is considered a trigger and what is just not preferred, is, in fact, pretty important.

One counterargument down, one to go.

In an article that refers to people who prefer “trigger warnings” as an alternative to the “managing of unpleasant speech” as “The Swaddled-Generation”, writer Kathleen Parker talks of how colleges and students who ask for trigger warnings are simply silencing ideas and speech. Ultimately, Kathleen writes about how over-coddling this generation is worthless because people who prefer trigger warnings will have to face their triggers eventually.

While that may be true, wouldn’t you rather save someone from relapsing into their trigger and mental breakdown if they don’t absolutely have to face it? Many have referred to college and university as a safe space for millennials, a place that will shelter them until they are graduated and released into the real world. If universities are a safe place, and if college is already swaddling us, why not take all the blankets we can get?

I don’t understand why a rape victim and survivor asking their professors and classmates to include trigger warnings so that the victim does not to have to relive or remember the disgusting and vile crime they were an innocent victim of is a sign of being ‘swaddled’.

Another counterargument would spark and a critic would reply and say that the victim should face the facts and face the truth. I’ve got news for you though, pal, that victim knows what happened to them. They have faced the facts and the truth, more than once already. Is it too much to ask for a simple warning so that they don’t have to relive it over and over again? Where is the logic in condemning someone to a lifetime of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) all because you could not ‘afford’ to lend them some human decency in respecting their right to a trigger warning?

The problem with these counterarguments is that these authors are taking the idea of trigger warnings too far. We are not asking to step outside of our houses and only see rainbows and clouds. We are not asking for everything to be censored. We are not asking for a boatload of commitment here, just a warning, literally any type of warning that may help us in preparing ourselves to deal with our trigger. At the very least, we are asking that people keep an open mind, that people do not denounce trigger warnings as a way to ‘silence speech’ or ‘deny the first amendment.’ If you are my professor and I approach you with a request for a trigger warning, I am asking that you consider my trauma and what I’ve been through before you reply that you ‘teach young adults, not children’ or that you are not my parent.

If you weren’t able to tell already, I feel very attached to this argument and very passionate about it. It affects me. I suffer from several triggers. They can be absolutely debilitating when I have to face them firsthand. It is demoralizing and often I struggle with depression and anxiety from the anxiety sparked by my trigger because I am self-conscious about it. I am not alone. There are millions of people in the world who face the same triggers, different triggers, and different responses evoked from triggers. Mental illness is an epidemic that infects many, and we will not be pushed aside. At the end of the day, we have to fight for ourselves and for each other. We have to speak up about these trigger warnings and why they’re important to our well-being and mental health. If you don’t speak up, no one can help you.

So where do we go from here? I’ve mentioned several times in this article that you can never hope to please everyone. You also can’t censor everything. I think it’s very important that everyone learns exactly what a trigger is, exactly what a trigger warning is and then we can look at ways to move forward. The next most important thing to understand is, of course, that line between offensive and traumatic. From there, individuals can decide what they want to put warnings on.

I’m not asking professors and teachers to change their curriculum. There is sensitive content in every piece of material we read in our lives. Should we embrace that sensitive and possibly derogatory content? Maybe not. Should we still learn about it? Yes. The confederate flag can be a trigger for some because they feel attacked or targeted, but we must learn about it and where it came from, so we do not repeat history. Is the Holocaust a traumatic event? Absolutely, but if we do not learn about it in school, how can we be sure that such a thing won’t happen again?

In a world where we label everything from organic foods to sexuality, one more label cannot hurt us. Trigger warnings, or just plain old warnings if the ‘trigger’ is something you’re not comfortable using because of the debate, can only help, not hinder. Also, I’m not saying that the professors, the authors, the teachers and anyone else who would have to label triggers are the only responsible party here. Obviously, both the triggered and the other party must play their part. Like I said, if you don’t speak up, and you don’t reach out, no one can help you. Be aware of your triggers, try to avoid any and all triggers if possible and communicate as much as possible.

So what, if trigger warnings are ‘millennial bubble wrap’? If the older generations dealt with the same mental illnesses and anxieties we face daily, they’d have the same issues, the same wants and the same needs. These illnesses haven’t just ‘popped up’ out of nowhere, and we definitely haven’t brought them on ourselves. We’re just more aware of all the possibilities out there now. Is implementing trigger warnings going to be a little more work? Yeah, probably. The key to making this work is going to be communication and accommodation. In the end, isn’t it worth it to reach your hand out to a fellow human being who is struggling, and save them and several others some heartache?