You’re Actually The Worst If You Have One Of These 12 Terrible Tinder Bios

You’d be rich if you had a dollar every time you saw these bios. Like pay-for-college-tuition-rich.

This article was originally published for Swoon on October 23, 2017.

If you’ve never used Tinder, consider yourself lucky.

Anyone who has spent even five minutes on the app can tell you that it’s mostly a waste of time. You either find people who have their life story in their bios, or they have the same quotes from the same television shows that everyone is tired of hearing about.

If you had a dollar for every time you saw these 12 bios on Tinder, you’d have enough money to pay for college, probably.

1. “Favorite Food: Milksteak. Hobbies: Magnets. Likes: Little Green Ghouls. Dislikes: Peoples’ Knees.”

I like “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” as much as the next person, but this is the worst. Nobody likes peoples’ knees! It’s not funny anymore!

2. “Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.”

You probably don’t even know what Battlestar Galactica is. FOH.

3. “Some people call me _____, but you can call me tonight.”

This line is so old it’s not even smooth anymore; just crusty.

4. “Not (insert legal age here), 17.”

Listen, I know it was the bee’s knees to make Facebook profiles when you were 13 and say that you were 21, but this is downright terrible.

5. “Just looking to meet people/make friends.”

Okay, I know I’m a wildcard for looking for a relationship on the app, but friends?! LEAVE.

6. “Anything you wanna know, just ask.”

Okay, I would, except, you never answer my messages.

7. “Looking for my tinderella…”


8. “‘You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take’ – Wayne Gretzky – Michael Scott”

I don’t think this has ever been funny. I can’t be the only one.

9. “I don’t message first.”

You probably don’t message back either.

10. “Just got out of a long-term relationship and-“

Okay, we haven’t even met yet. I don’t need your relationship history.

11. “I enjoy long walks on the beach.”

Swipe left.

12. “‘One hell of a guy.’ – New York Times. ‘Outstanding gentleman.’ – Washington Post. ‘I wish I could be more like him.’ – Ellen.”

Can’t you just introduce yourself like any normal person?

You Are Alive For A Reason

We help one another to realize their passions, ambitions, and reasons for fighting. We are a machine that cannot work without all of the parts acting in unison.

Just because you haven’t found it yet, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

This article was originally published for The Odyssey on March 20, 2017.

You are here for a reason. Plain and simple. That’s why you’re alive. That’s why you must continue to live, and that’s why you must fight for your life. Your reason may not be obvious to you; it may not be something you inherently know from the start. You may not discover your reason until much later in life. It may even become clear that you have several reasons for being alive. It’s okay to make up your own reasons, too.

Your reason(s) may or may not be simple; they could be to serve a purpose, a person, and that person could be yourself. It’s OK if that person is yourself. That’s not to say that I’m encouraging you to be selfish, but rather self-serving. Putting your own happiness and interests first isn’t vile or rude; it’s human nature. If, perhaps, your happiness is reflective off of others’ happiness, then being self-serving really isn’t a crime at all.

If you find that your reason for being here is to serve some sort of purpose, know that it’s okay to change that purpose. If, for example, your parents had you so they could have an extra hand on the farm, that doesn’t mean you couldn’t leave and become successful elsewhere. Though everyone has a purpose in life, you are never limited to that purpose, and therefore, you can always change your reasons for being alive, and your reasons for living.

We were all placed here on Earth to change something. We are destined to fulfill the reasons we are here even if they change. Everyone can change the world even if the world we change belongs to just one person. The population thrives on progression, and all of us are a team. We help one another to realize their passions, ambitions, and reasons for fighting. We are a machine that cannot work without all of the parts acting in unison.

If you ever feel lost or alone, know that you are not either of those things. Life is full of twists and turns that will shake you up. Know that when you fall down, it is one hundred percent OK to rest on the ground before you attempt to get back up.

It is so incredibly easy to become bogged down by the pressures and demons of everyday life. It is easy to think that there is nothing out there for you especially when you let the darkness consume you. No matter how many demons drag you down, know that there will be twice as many hands to pull you back up. If you don’t see any hands, look elsewhere.

Don’t give up because you are unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Do not give up because you cannot see success in your future. Stand tall, stand strong, and never stop asking for help. Your light is there. Your future is there, and you will find your success where you least expect to.

You were put on this earth for a reason. Just because you haven’t found it yet doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Just because you feel as if the weight of the world is on your shoulders, does not mean that people will not help. All you have to do is ask.